PARAPROSDOKIANS


“Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or re-interpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.

I find these funny and a lighthearted post to show I am not just a Patriot and Political Activist, but have a sense of humor.  There are 2 lists and I don’t think there are dupes, but if there are I apologize but it should still be funny the 2nd time.

Here are a few lists
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right ‐ only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station .
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks .
12. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.”
13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another
woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
19. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
21. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
23. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
25. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.”

LIST TWO

  1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
  2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  3. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  4. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
  5. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  6. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
  7. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
  8. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
  9. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  10. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
  11. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  12. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
  13. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  14. Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
  15. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
  16. I didn’t say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
  17. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?
  18. Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
  19. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
  20. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  21. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  22. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
  23. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
  24. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
  25. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
  26. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  27. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
  28. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
  29. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
  30. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
  31. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  32. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
  33. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
  34. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
  35. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
  36. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  37. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

AND ONE LAST ONE. 

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About Julian Caine

Julian Caine Independent film producer Julian Caine is Vice President of Business Affairs and Co-Producer for G. Anthony Joseph's Tritan-Northstar Entertainment. Mr. Caine is involved in securing financing and in structuring financial models for the production company's upcoming slate. Mr. Caine's background includes more than ten years in core television and movie making capacities, including roles in finance, accounting, distribution, and production at major studios such as MGM, Universal, Castle Rock and Spelling Entertainment. Mr. Caine's rich experience in the entertainment industry has endowed him with the knowledge to structure and create independent productions with exceptional creative value and profit potential. Mr. Caine recently produced The Eliminator, starring Michael Rooker. He served as consulting producer on Tritan-Northstar Entertainment's 2008 award winning feature film Contract Killers, starring Nick Mancuso. Contract Killers earned several film festival awards and was picked up by First Look Studios for a USA domestic release. Julian Caine and Tritan-Northstar Entertainment are currently in development and preproduction on a multi-picture slate to begin releasing next year.
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